I couldn’t help but notice that the tooth underneath your pillow this evening had a green and yellow hue.
I’d like to remind you that under the provisions of our contract,
“Teeth shall be maintained in such condition as shall be deemed ‘appropriately usable’ by purchaser.”
The poor offering that your pillow hid was not so much a tooth as a worn, yellowed nub.
Given the extreme state of degradation of this tooth, I worry… (click below to continue reading) about whether your future baby teeth will be worth anything at all. After all, there are only 19 more to go! And here I must state that adult teeth are entirely valueless – so don’t think that your poor habits now will create a boon of quarters in your teenage years as you lose your adult teeth – because I won’t pay for those.
I have enclosed, instead of the customary quarters, a new toothbrush. While some may consider this gift a disappointment, rest assured that I give it to you merely to protect your future income source and my potential investments.
The Tooth Fairy